


Slice 'N Dice

by flippednique



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But I'm not tagging this as a cross over because I'm mostly putting them in for comic relief, Iwaizumi screaming at the TV, M/M, Oikawa cooking, Please tell me if that isn't allowed, There are other characters from other fandoms, cooking au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippednique/pseuds/flippednique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi Hajime is the kind of guy who screams at the TV when things don’t go his way, but every Saturday at 4:00, the stakes are higher and he can’t manage to say a single word. He’s concentrating too hard on praying that Oikawa doesn’t go home too soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_ A search for the most talented home cooks has taken Japan by surprise. Hundreds of hopefuls have turned up in the hopes of becoming a part of the country’s second season of Slice ‘N Dice-Grand.  _

_ Just like last year, over forty home-cooks that have come from all walks of life, have gone through a series of different tests and challenges, to prove their worth of becoming the next Grand King.  _

_ After four weeks of intense changes, we are now down to Japan’s top fifteen home-cooks, and that right there is something to be proud of. At this very moment, they are fighting tooth and nail for a spot to win 30 million yen, their very own cookbook, and of course, become Japan’s next Grand King.  _

There are a lot of pots banging and clanging in the background as the aforementioned fifteen contestants are given five-second spotlights on the television for all of Japan to see. The judges are introduced with a lot of fanfare, cut-shots of their many restaurants that boast of their amazing reputation. There’s even a lot more shots of the huge kitchen where the contestants are cooking, and of course, a wide shot of their extensive pantry who made the most successful chefs in the world weak at the knees. 

The camera then starts singeling the fifteen contestants out, letting the audience get to know them, their backstories, their cooking styles; 

“I think that there are a lot of interesting cooks in this kitchen.” One of them says as he closes his oven door shut. There’s a smudge of flour on his cheek, but he doesn’t pay it any mind, comfortable as he moves onto starting a filling for his tarts. More banging, more flour sprinkling. “I think it all comes down to playing your strengths. I’m a baker, people sometimes call me Sugar-chan because of it. And in this kitchen, I’m going to own it.” 

**Sugawara Koushi - 28 - Miyagi**

“There’s a lot we don’t really know, to be honest.” Another one confesses as she stirs something that smells heavenly in a large pot. It smells of home, something your mother would make. She pushed her long violet ponytail over her shoulder, smiling ruefully. “We may be Japanese, but let’s not pretend that there’ll only be Asian dishes. Food is universal. We better be ready for anything. Bold flavors, dim flavors. Culture is diverse, and we have to be open to that.” 

**Fujisaki Nadeshiko - 29 - Hokkaido**

“What’s surprising to me, is that there are a lot of pretty faces here.” This one chuckles, turning his head ever so slightly as he slices through an onion like it’s nothing. He looks up at the camera, flashing a smile that made ratings go off the charts- clearly, there’s already a fan favorite. “I mean, there’s a model cooking in this kitchen right now. And we also have the son of an incredible fashion designer. A model and a fashion designer. Amazing.” 

**Oikawa Tooru - 28 - Miyagi**

“It’s not about the looks Oikawa-chi, it’s about how good the food you’re cooking tastes.” Said model calls from his station as he chews on a piece of whatever it is he has cooking on his stove. He flashes the camera a look and he grins. “And  _ that  _ tastes pretty damn good.” 

**Kise Ryouta - 26 - Kyoto**

“And it’s not about who you are _ before _ you came in this competition.” The heir to the Hitachiin label added as he seared a perfectly cut steak. He blew on his bangs as he cooked, they were a little on the long side now. And his roots were showing too, damn. He looks over his shoulder at his fellow contestants and his next few words raise the tension. “It’s about who you are during it. Make a name for yourself here and now.”  

**Hitachiin Hikaru - 25 - Kanto**

The camera zooms back to Oikawa, who flashes the audience a grin and a peace-sign, clearly not bothered that he’d just been the cause of some testy replies. Some watching from their homes squealed at his aesthetic-perfection, some thought it was silly of him, and he wouldn’t be in the show for too long.

One person in Miyagi was caught between the sofa and a wall that he shared with his roommate, in his arms an ugly alien plushie that no longer looked like CJ-7, but Iwaizumi hugged it close anyways. It smelled like milk, vanilla, and some weird shit that probably belonged to a dozen hair products he’d never cared too much to learn about. 

It smelled exactly like him.

Four weeks into this damn competition, and he was dying to have a certain alien-obsessed-idiot back in his arms. At least said alien-obsessed-idiot was having fun. He and the model were getting along… probably.  


	2. Chapter Two

_Seven weeks into the season and now there are only ten home-cooks still left. There had been a grueling double elimination for two consecutive weeks, and losing four cooks has taken its toll on the relationship of the chefs still cooking in the kitchen._

“It just means that anyone could go home. No one is safe. You could win a pick-me-up challenge but lose in the elimination test, and that’s actually where it counts.And oh-ho-ho, there’s so much tension in this kitchen that all it needs is a small fire, before it’s like BOOM!”

**Bokuto Kotaru - 28 - Tokyo**

“This so called tension is just coming from having so many great cooks, in the same place, vying for the same thing. I’m actually pretty excited about the team challenges that I heard we would have to have soon. There are so many things that could go wrong when you aren’t cooking by yourself. It’s definitely going to be different.”

**Suwa Reiji - 29 - Kanagawa**

“It’s just cooking, guys. I’m actually a little worried because Trancy went home last week because someone messed with his pressure cooker. That’s not the way to go. I’m starting to understand their double eliminations. And as for those team challenges… it’ll be up to the team leaders and all we can really do is see how that’ll go.”

**Yukihira Souma - 28 -  Nagoya**

* * *

_“For this team challenge, you have to serve a hundred and fifty police officers who have done for japan a great deal of service. Your team captains are Honda-san and Takahashi-kun. You have access to a wide-spread pantry with a variety of Japan’s best produce and proteins. Good luck.”_

“I’m looking at the people in my team and I have Sugawara-san, Suwa-san, Fujisaki-san, and Yukihira-kun. And I’m thanking my lucky stars, and maybe Usagi-san for his advice about being mindful of the cooks around me. This is the first team challenge and all the chefs in my team are calm, collected, composed… I think we’re going to do a great job. Hopefully.”

**Takahashi Misaki - 25 - Chugoku**

“To be team captain on the very first challenge is quite daunting. I have some very strong chefs in my team however it’s a matter of command. Oikawa-san, Bokuto-san, Hitachiin-san, and Kise-san all play with their strengths and I have not seen them play safe in the competition so far. I’m only a little worried about the leadership in the challenge. They might try to overthrow me, I will try my hardest for that not to happen.”

**Honda Kiku - 29 - Shikoku**

_On the red team, all other chefs use up time in between preparation to get Takahashi’s opinion on all their dishes before their set._

“Misaki, is that enough spice? We can always add more but I’m a bit worried about the heat.”

“I think we should add more because the sauce will probably balance it on the way down.”

“Got it.”

“Misaki over here!”

“What do you need?”

The camera pans out to show the system of dynamics in the red teams kitchen. There's flames going on, more pots, more pans, barbecue brushes, and plenty of spice rub on the metal table. It smells incredible and it was making so many mouths watching at home water. 

_On the blue team, Honda makes it clear that he is leading this competition and his ship is definitely going through smooth sailing with their fast pace._

“Are the ribs in the smoker?”

“They’re in the smoker!”

“And the potatoes?”

“I’ve got about three trays done and I’m going to do a couple more.”

“Let’s keep this pace, everybody.”

The audience at home watch the flurry and controlled chaos in the two portable kitchens, and some shriek when the police officers arrive in cars with their sirens going off. The chefs stop to watch the entrance, even though they’d honestly rather be cooking than watching all these people come in. It cost them time they could have used to plate. However, the experience was still surreal.

“Everything was going great in our team. Bokuto-san had the sauce, and it was an American whiskey-infused sauce that would go well with the ribs that Oikawa-san and I had smoking. Honda-san made this really great slaw since we were going for Western, and we would also had potato sliced crisps on the side. The chefs on our team were pretty focused up until the police officers came in and _it_ happened.”

**Hitachiin Hikaru - 25 - Kanto**

_“Oh shit. Medic!”_

Iwaizumi winced as he leaned back in his couch, CJ-7 sitting on his lap, looking still battered, still unrecognizable, still warm. There's red on the screen in the blue kitchen, and if Hajime wasn't taking up pre-med he'd had probably turned away. The model had cut himself, and it was pretty bad. Hitachiin had pulled a chair out because the injured chef was clearly not feeling well at all, and Kise wasn’t being overly dramatic.

_“He cut off part of his finger in the mandolin. That’s how bad it is.”_

_“Weren’t you using a guard, Kise-san?”_

_“I was Kiku-chi, but I thought I saw someone I knew when the police officers came in. More like I was hoping…”_

_“Alright.”_

His heartbeat started going off the record as Kise slumped in his foldable chair (though he absentmindedly wondered who Kise had thought he’d seen, for it to affect and distract him so badly) and it kept it’s fast pace for an entire two and a half minutes. On the screen, Oikawa took over the potatoes going through the mandolin, and from the pressure of the show his hand only held potato after potato. No guard.

“Put the goddamn guard on Trashykawa!”

And maybe the super loud chef Bokuto had equally matching superpowers, because the moment Hajime had yelled that, he’d done the exact same thing.

_"Heyheyhey! We don't want a repeat of that cut!"_

He’d have to thank the man… somehow. 

Toru gave him an apologetic smile and grabbed for the mandolin, before his face fell into a serious look once again. They'd lost precious time with the commotion in the kitchen. Hajime felt for him as he concentrated on getting the damn potatoes perfect. If he went into an elimination challenge with these talented chefs... he could very well be going home. 

**Author's Note:**

>  **AN** : Honestly this was totally inspired by MasterChef/Hell's Kitchen and any other cooking show that's out there. I've put in characters from other fandoms for comic relief, mostly. I think it's fun to have other characters pop up, and if they aren't familiar to you then you can just treat them as regular OCs. Since they aren't the focus of this story, I'm not tagging this fic as a crossover. My main focus is still HQ. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Nique**


End file.
